I Don't Want to Do This

It has been a long time since my last blog, and not because nothing has been happening. There has been good stuff like our trip to SanMenXia to see the town where Lindsay comes from (see photo page), birthdays galore, visitors and a trip to Guangzhou/Hong Kong. 

There has also been hard stuff. Hard stuff. It has been a hard couple of months for me which is why I haven't been blogging. When it comes to writing about our life here, I love telling the great stuff, the funny stuff and I don't mind whining about the food, but hard stuff? No, I don't like talking about that very much at all. Not that I believe it should be all sunshine and roses, I just don't want to talk about it.
What I can say is there have been a lot of changes around here lately, and who likes change? Well, actually there are times when I love it! I am not really afraid of change, I crave it at times. But some changes are not so fun, not so exciting; some are downright terrifying and others are just yucky. That's how I feel...yucky. I am off my game in a way that I haven't been in a long time, and I don't like it much. 


Are things all bad? Of course not! I have six amazing kids in my house including two "new" ones (new to our home but not new to Eagles Wings) who moved in with us in March. HuiHui is a 12 year old girl and ShiJie is an 8 year old boy. I have been amazed at how seamlessly they have joined our family. They are fun and cooperative and seem to have just embraced all the craziness that is us. I am thankful for them. Our baby house volunteer, Erin, arrived from Minnesota and has been so wonderful with our littlest eaglets. She jumped right in and has done a terrific job implementing some things that have been on my "someday" list for awhile. I have really been amazed at how quickly Erin has made a difference at Eagles Wings 5. Rebecca, my trusty "volunteer volunteer" is more than worth her weight in gold in a all the things she does to make my life easier and to make our visitors feel welcome and well taken care of. I am thankful for her everyday. We have had five children adopted already this year, and TEN more are in process. Talk about blessings!
So what's so bad? Honestly, I feel like I have lost my vision, lost my compass, not my passion for what I am doing, but the path forward is as murky as a Beijing winter sky. There is much to do, problems to solve, good habits to work on, places where I know we need to move forward, but....I feel stuck. I feel cynical. l feel like I am slogging through jello to get things done, so most days I'd rather just crawl back under the covers, but there are 57 kids relying on me to get out of bed and DO something, so I keep trying. 

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