Queen of Denial

So let's start this blog off on a high note -- honestly, I am in denial. We leave for China in 3 days, but I am not operating as if I have accepted that fact. We have made a first pass at packing and I think I have done 95% of the shopping I wanted to. I still need a good calendar and a final run through the grocery store for spices and boxes. We really need another set of sheets for each bed, but there is no room. (Since our last trip 16 months ago, United has reduced the free checked luggage allowance from 2 to 1. This seriously impacts us as we try to restock for the next 15 months). We were incredibly blessed by a Walmart gift card which paid for all the otc meds and misc baby supplies that I needed to take back. (Still haven't found good old fashioned nesting cups and blocks...time is running out) But that is just the physical aspect of the return. I am struggling more with the emotional return. Living where we do is hard, it's a lot of work just to keep a home and family going and it's hard to live in almost complete isolation from others who share a common language, common heritage, common way of thinking and a common faith. It's hard. every. day. The work is challenging, some days overwhelming, but mostly it is a blessing. It's the life that I am struggling with returning to. It's a hard life for the girls as well, but thankfully they are ready to go; they won't admit it, but China is now more home than the US. I am glad for them. And in the end it's not about me, but I wish I could look forward to Tuesday with more joy than dread.