Mother's Day 2018
Jetlag is the name of the game today. Mother's Day greetings from four of my five kids, so I guess I did something 80% right. On the other hand, I am sure that I have received far more than I have given to this motherhood thing, and I am 100% grateful for every silly, hard, messy, marvelous moment. Since I don't seem to have enough functioning brain cells to write something profound, I thought I would share a sampling of Mother's Day Past as recorded on my Facebook timeline.
Happy Mother's Day.
Mother's Day 2012
Happy Mother's Day!
I have spent mine being lazy, eating fresh baked coffee cake, reading a friend's first novel and watching the finale of the Amazing Race with my five kids. Yup, about perfect.
Mother's Day 2013
Sending special Mother's Day wishes for those moms waiting to hold their children for the first time. Btdt and I know how empty those arms can feel. On Mother's Day in 1997 I had been waiting 11 months for a referral that should have taken a month. My heart was broken in pieces wondering if there would ever be a phone call telling me I had a daughter. I had precious calls that day from friends who were also waiting and sweet friends who had received their calls and knew how hard that day would be for me. I will never forget their kindness. I will also never forget the Monday after Mother's Day when the phone rang and I heard the words I thought would never come, "You have a daughter".
Fast forward 8 years to Mother's Day 2005, when the Civil Affairs office in Zhengzhou opened on a Sunday to expedite my third daughter's adoption. No more meaningful day to welcome her into my family.
Mother's Day 2014
I had a lovely Mother's Day and am wishing the same for all those moms whose day is just beginning. In addition to peanut butter chocolate chip muffins for breakfast, adorable hand made cards, and being taken out to dinner (and NOT having to pay - a first!) by my daughters, Mother's Day is always a time of reflection. It feels a little odd that *Mother's Day* is supposed to be about me. For me it's about the ones who call me Mom. I have been blessed beyond anything I could have ever dreamed or hoped by each of them, whether they came into my life through birth or adoption, by marriage or even for a season. I am so thankful for each of them and thank them for the privilege of knowing and loving and being loved by them on my good days and those other days, too. I thank God for giving me more arrows in my quiver than I could have ever imagined possible and pray daily for the strength and wisdom to be the mom they need me to be. I think how quickly these 26 years of motherhood have flown by and know that while I will be a mother as long as I live, the days of day-to-day mothering are all too quickly passing, and the end of that phase is nearly in sight. At the same time, this Mother's Day is one of great anticipation, as we celebrate with a new mother-to-be in our family.
Of course, no Mother's Day passes without thoughts of the moms who are silent shadows in our lives: those who gave life but whose names we do not know and the one who left this world too soon.
Mother's Day 2015
Mother's Day. The best of times and the worst of times. Definitely a mixed bag of thoughts and emotions for me. I love my kids and I love being a mom: I think that's clear to anyone who knows me even a little, so it is nice to have a day that celebrates the not-so-little blessings that made me a mom and to share the day with a new generation in our family.
But I also think of the mothers who aren't here but stand silently in the shadows of our hearts. My own mom left this world much too young; she never saw her babies all grown, missed so many special moments and never saw me walk in her mom-steps. Even after all these years, it's sad not having someone to say Happy Mother's Day to.
I also can't help but think of the three nameless women who gave birth to my daughters. I can't help but wonder what the words "Happy Mother's Day" feel like to them: a bittersweet allusion to what could have been or a cruel reminder of impossible choices and eternal regret.
So, "Happy Mother's Day"? Maybe not so much. What I feel is grateful, deeply grateful -- grateful for a mom who taught me well and loved me completely if not long enough, grateful for all the amazing young people who call me mom and grateful for the newest mom in the Laurie line and all the joy that lies ahead for her. May you all have much to be grateful for this Mother's Day.
Mother's Day 2017
The cycle of Mother's Days:
1) Toddler days when you get up at the crack of dawn, change diapers, cook and ooh and aah over crafts done in daycare and Sunday school. You are kind of jealous of the mommies getting breakfast in bed or dinner out, but it's all good.
2) School days when you give them money and drive them to the mall so they can buy *interesting* treasures that you will feign surprise when opening. Breakfast in bed! You are confined to bed long past when you would actually like to be up and wonder what takes an hour to prepare and what the kitchen will look like. Breakfast arrives consisting of poptarts, banana and orange juice because they aren't allowed to use the stove. The handmade cards and hibiscus from the garden are precious. To avoid cooking we go out to dinner. I drive and pay.
3) Ah, big brother can now use the stove! He corrals the little girls, pulls off a coffeecake, hot tea and the obligatory banana. Handmade cards and a flower made by the toddler complete the tray, which arrives about an hour before you'd like to get up, but...all good! Dinner out (I still pay).
4) Breakfast is a group effort, comes at a decent hour, cards are a mix of homemade and store bought. Brother can even drive so there are gifts that I didn't pay for and don't know what they are! I don't mind buying dinner.
5) Brother is off to college. Breakfast is poptarts, banana and orange juice because they aren't allowed to use the stove. The handmade cards and hibiscus from the garden are precious. To avoid cooking we go out to dinner. I drive and pay.
6) Big sister is big, and we live in China so everyone can easily get to the store to buy their own treasures though I may have to provide some cash. Breakfast in bed is coffeecake or muffins, hot tea and that banana. Flowers are strictly homemade as there is no garden. Dinner is at home because...Chinese food.
7) All the bigs have flown the nest, just the baby is left at home. No, she isn't very little anymore, but she is the special child. As I got up this morning she yelled from her bed, "Don't make cookies, I'll make them." Well, I wasn't making cookies anyway, I was making the coffeecake...and the hot tea, will go out later to get bananas. And now it's 4pm and guess what? No cookies. But she did just come in with two lovely red roses. Another perfect Mother's Day.
There isn't a whole lot to tell at this point, but a quick update seemed to be in order:
We arrived. I was jetlagged, but much less violently than previous trips for which I am extremely grateful!
On Thursday I submitted my visa application with the help of a super visa/adoption paperwork courier whom I have known virtually for over 20 years. (www.theresalwayshope.com) The name of her business, There's Always Hope, is prophetic I hope. She has been a great help and encouragement.
So now we wait to pick up the visa on Tuesday. As of nearly midnight on Friday the consulate has not contacted her to say there is a problem, so I am taking that as a good sign. Prayers for a smooth process continue to be a high priority.
Otherwise life is pretty low key. I can't go anywhere that I cannot walk or train since my DL is in China, so that does limit my options. I miss the kids in China a lot, but my three adorable grandchildren are...adorable...so that's a big plus. Ice cream is plentiful.
Please consider donating to the work I do with older orphans. It is my only source of income, and while I have many financial needs at this time, really the best reason to donate is because providing a dedicated resource for youth and young adults who are orphaned and disabled is worth it. Thank you.
This is an update that was definitely not on my radar last week. Definitely.
Last Sunday I was leading worship for our little expat team, getting the guest flat ready for a family coming to visit for a few days at the end of the week, and making sure I had all the paperwork ready to submit my visa application in Hong Kong. (At the end of 2017 my work visa had expired and Kristen and I had applied for new visas in Hong Kong. While she got a 10 year visa, I only got a 3 month one because my passport was expiring in August. I applied for a new passport, which was now ready to pick up in Hong Kong.) So on Tuesday we took the fast train to the border and then the subway into Hong Kong. New passport, new visa and we would be back in Hengyang on Friday.
I picked up my passport at the US consulate Tuesday afternoon. All shiny and new.
I dropped off my visa application at the Chinese visa office on Wednesday morning. Except:
On Friday at about 1:30pm Kristen and I returned to the visa office, all packed and ready to race to the border for our train home. I received a number and we waited for the number to be called. Then we went to Window 6 where the lady there proceeded to tell me that my visa application had been rejected. You know that feeling when you are pretty sure you heard what you heard but there was no way that that was what you heard so you say, "What??" Because this was really, really not acceptable.
I asked the reason, with what I am sure was a look of utter disbelief mixed with despair. She was apologetic but of course there is "nothing we can do." Of course.
So that's the long part of this story. The short part is that after a day of seeking advice from some long time China expats, checking with three visa agents, one in Hong Kong and two in the US, to determine any options, lots and lots of prayer by people all over the world, and gradually getting my shell-shocked brain cells to work, Kristen and I are flying to Chicago so I can resubmit my application in the US. I will now and forever have to check yes to question 13.2: Have you ever been denied a visa to China? I feel like I have done something wrong, but I absolutely have not.
Do I feel bitter? angry? resentful? There is plenty of reason to feel all of those things, but I don't. I am sad that it will be weeks before I can get back to my co-workers and the young people I work with. I am disappointed that I am missing an important conference for people who work with children and youth with traumatic backgrounds. I am thankful for all the people who have been willing to help however they can here in Hong Kong and also in Hengyang. I appreciate so much the prayers and encouragement from my support network: knowing I have a place to go to share the hard is a big deal. I am confident that though I have NO IDEA why this has happened, or if there is a reason at all, that the hand that calms the storm is in control of this situation and keeps me calm in the middle of uncertainty.
This blogging is not for the faint of heart! Trust me when I say that the lack of posts does not mean a lack of things to say...far from it. It's really hard to know where to start most days.
So here's the short version:
Life is good.
Life is hard.
Would I change it? No.
For those who like a bit more detail:
I have spent lots and lots of time getting to know the young people and the local staff who work with them. Lots of time. And most of that time looks like doing arts and crafts side by side with the youth, playing with Legos, cutting paper, holding hands, giving and getting hugs and high 5s, and huddling together with legs and arms under a table with a heater under it. Happily the weather has turned warmer and we do less huddling to stay warm.
The biggest change so far has been the start of a sign language class (Chinese Sign Language!) to give the young people who cannot speak due to their disability a voice. It's a slow process but so far very well received. You can read more about it HERE.
Some other odds and ends:
I had a bout of the flu which kept me home for two weeks, recovering and making sure my lingering cough wouldn't put any vulnerable kids at risk.
We made two trips to Hong Kong this winter as required by our visas. It takes about 6 hours to get there by bus, train, and 3 subways. I can't complain; we eat familiar food and enjoy the change of scenery. I am thankful to be able to go to church while we are there whcih is the highlight for me. Kristen probably likes the fast internet best. On our last two trips we brought wheelchairs back into China for two of our kids. That was an adventure!
Our 60 day stay is nearly up so we will be heading to Hong Kong again in another week. This time I will be picking up a new passport and applying for a new visa...that's always a bit stressful so I appreciate your prayers.
Also...I have updated a lot of pages on this site, especially the section "About Older Orphans." I will warn you that there are several pages and each is more like an article than a pithy blog post, but if you are interested in learning more about the issues around older orphans with disabilities, there is a lot there. I have added a page, "Work in Progress" to tell more about what is happening with the work I am doing. If you have any questions, please Contact me. And if you are inspired or encouraged or even just informed by what I am doing, please Donate so I can keep doing it.
My apartment is a little less than two miles from where I work at the ICC Center. The Center is at the top of a hill, so it's uphill most of the way, but thankfully, a bus picks up staff from various parts of the city, and there is a stop just a five minute walk from my apartment.
In the afternoon I like to walk home, barring blazing heat or torrential downpour. It gives me some time to decompress, to think and to pray. It also gives me a chance to observe and assimilate my surroundings and the lives of the people around me. It helps me appreciate all I have -- even when it seems to many that I have given up so much -- and also makes me smile to see the juxtaposition of old and new that is China. So take a walk with me!
Please join us by making a financial contribution on our Donate page.
Today I did something just for myself. I took a shower. Haha...well, that doesn't sound like a big deal, and it isn't that unusual. Except. Today I pampered myself just a little, and oh, how lovely it was.
You see, my bathroom is all tile and unheated, and in November, it is cold. As in, COLD. There isn't a separate shower, just a shower head on the wall, and the water drains into the squatty in the floor. (If you don't know what that is, google it.) I will say that that dedicated water tank on the wall puts out a lot of hot water, for which I am daily thankful. Even if it isn't hooked up to the sink!
So it is Sunday morning, and since I didn't need to rush I decided to take a few extra moments and this is what happened:
First I found an extra space heater in a closet and plugged it in in the bathroom. After a few minutes it definitely took the chill off.
Then I had an inspiration:
Okay, it's no spa, but I rarely light candles at all, and this one didn't really give off much scent, but it made me smile. I hope you take a few minutes to do something special for yourself today, too.
If you find you have an interest in the work I am doing with older orphans, please join me by making a financial contribution on our Donate page.
Have you ever wished you could send us a little care package...and then were discouraged by the crazy CRAZY shipping costs? I know many of our friends have asked about sending us a little something now and then, but the cost of even a small package makes it so impractical.
If you are one of those people, here is your chance... we have a courier coming to us NEXT WEEK who will have a full suitcase dedicated to things for us. Does anyone have their Christmas cards ready to send? We would love one! A handwritten note? Send it! Some special treats for the holidays? I have an Amazon wishlist set up with the things we would love to have. It's not a long list and nothing expensive, but things that would really make life over here a bit easier. There are also some craft items that I can use for our youth program. Click on the Chocolate Chips below to see the wishlist! (hint hint)
Here's the catch: everything needs to be in Chicago by November 21st (ONE WEEK!) in order to get packed and ready to go before our little Saint Nick takes off.
If you aren't sure what to send or are worried it won't arrive in time, donations to our PayPal will go towards buying last minute items and things not on the Amazon list to go in the suitcase.
Thanks so very much!!
I think I will just stop apologizing for my dismal lack of posts. There is almost too much to say, and while I think about it often, getting it down in writing seems overwhelming at times. But here I am, and it is on my to-do list to post more often. This is just a very surface summary of our first month.
Yes, we have been in Hengyang for 3 1/2 months! That in itself is pretty amazing. Rereading my previous post I see that I did NOT boast about my good luck with jetlag... and it's a good thing because shortly after I posted that I was sick for a month. That is not a great way to introduce yourself to new teammates and to launch into a new work. I know it had been coming for awhile, and I just needed a break. Our US trip did not lend itself to the rest and peace that I really needed, but thanks to a very understanding team here in Hengyang and a sweet daughter I finally took a much needed break and am doing much better.
On my good days I was able to spend half-days at "the Center." (Also known as "the Centre" because most of our team uses British English.) That's what we call the building that houses the ICC project here in Hengyang. I sat side by side with the teens and young adults in the craft workshop and in the recreational craft classes. I watched what they were doing and gradually learned their names and discovered a little bit about each one's personality.
Home life that first month was pretty much about surviving. Since we didn't have an apartment yet, we shared one of ICC's guest apartments with a physical therapist from Canada who was here for 6 months. It was great to have Emily around to help with our adjustment and to hear about her experience here. The guest apartment is large and well furnished, but it was hard to feel at home without our own things in our own place. Since I was often ill I didn't venture too far from home. Kristen and I learned the way to the grocery store and also took a couple of trips into the main area of the city for Starbucks and McDonald's. So I think that pretty much catches you up on our first month here!
If you find you have an interest in the work I am doing with older orphans, please join us by making a financial contribution on our Donate page.
Not only have we arrived in China; we have arrived in Hengyang, our new home city. I will be sure to tell you all about it once I see it. Right now Kristen and I are beginning the jetlag adjustment. I am actually doing a bit better than she is, but I am not going to be too smug about that since it is just day 1. I know better.
Our trip was essentially uneventful which is always a good thing. Huge thanks to our New Day friends for arranging for our beloved driver, HouGe, to meet us at the airport, take us to our hotel and then deliver us to the train station on Thursday morning. We were able to leave our luggage in the van overnight which was a lifesaver. My biggest worry was getting 250 pounds of luggage onto the train. The crowds and the stairs or escalator to get down to the track, wrestling those big bags into the very limited storage -- I was pretty nervous about how we could do it. In the past I had THREE helpers along, and Lindsay and Marissa are pretty strong. Kristen....uh, not so much. (I had to carry HER backpack the whole trip because it was too heavy for her!) HouGe to the rescue! He arranged for a porter to take our luggage to the train for us. The bonus was that we got to go with it and hang out in a reserved waiting room -- completely uncrowded, cool AND we boarded the train about 15 minutes before everyone else. The porter got our luggage into the storage space before anyone else was even on the train. Worth.every.cent. It might just be worth it to use the porter service even when I don't have much luggage!!
Getting the luggage off the train wasn't too difficult. A couple of train attendants (young women) helped but I really could have done it. I think they just wanted to hurry so people could board the train. However....no porters at the Hengyang station. So Kristen and I had to haul it all ourselves. It was difficult but not impossible, and we just took our time moving as much as we could about a hundred feet, then going back for the rest, and then going another hundred feet or so. Rinse and repeat. We were very happy to meet our ICC greeters at the exit area and get everything loaded into the van.
We are now ensconced in a large visitors apartment until we find an apartment of our own. We are sharing with two other volunteers: Deb is an American nurse living in HongKong. She comes to Hengyang on a regular basis to help with the medical needs. Deb and I hit it off during my previous visit and enjoyed catching up last night. Our other roommate is Emily, a Canadian, who is an OT here for 6 months. She will be leaving in about 6 weeks.
Thank you for all the prayers for safe travels; we are very thankful to be here safe and sound. I am sorry there are no photos. I will work on that. Once we conquer the jetlag we will get out and about and show you where we are.
It's a "twofer" today -- two posts in one day. This one is just to say that this site has been majorly overhauled and reorganized. You may also notice that there is a new url: DonnaChina.org. I hope it is easy to find the important stuff, and more importantly that you will find it useful in learning about teen and young adult orphans in China and will be inspired to get involved.
So take a look around, send me feedback on what you like, what you don't, and the typos I missed.
As soon as I can I will start posting more about how you can get involved in the work we are doing in Hengyang and with older orphans in other areas as well. Please be patient with me as we get settled in: it will be a time of massive learning for me, too!
If you want to receive newsletters about our work, let me know on the Contact page. And please consider partnering with us in meeting the life long needs of young people in China without families.
Tomorrow we start the journey to Hengyang!
About This Blog
Part documentary, part family chronicle and part personal reflection as I try to sort through the ups and downs, the joys, heartaches and surprises of our life and work as we follow the path that God has set for us here in China!
Lindsay and Marissa as they prepare for semester exams and look for good summer jobs to earn money for college tuition.
Kristen to finish the school year strong and to make friends.
Donna to have wisdom in planning and implementing new programs for the youth and for financial provision to cover our expenses.